Switzerland: Where Even the Cows Wear Designer Bells

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Welcome to Switzerland, a place so stunning it looks like it was Photoshopped by Mother Nature herself. Known for its punctual trains, mouthwatering chocolate, and mountains that practically beg for a photo shoot, this little Alpine paradise is the ultimate bucket-list destination. But before you pack your hiking boots and an empty suitcase for cheese, here are some things you need to know—served with a side of humor and a sprinkle of data.
1. Scenic Splendor (And the Price for It)

Switzerland isn’t just scenic—it’s offensively beautiful. Take the Matterhorn, for example. It’s the supermodel of mountains, posing for Toblerone bars (not for long anymore) and making every other peak feel inadequate. Then there’s Lake Geneva, which looks more like a desktop wallpaper than an actual place, or Lake Zurich, a long banana-shaped Lake, 24.8 miles long!

But beware: beauty like this comes at a price. As I say to my friends and visitors; beauty costs money! A cup of coffee in Zurich can cost you $5.50—so, sip slowly, there are no refills here. Boy, do I miss that from the US, that brewed cup of coffee, with refills! The irony? The views are free, and they’re the best part. Who needs caffeine when you’ve got alpine air and a postcard-worthy backdrop?

2. Chocolate and Cheese: The Swiss Food Pyramid

Switzerland doesn’t just make chocolate; it perfects it. With the average Swiss citizen consuming 11 kg of chocolate a year, it’s practically a national sport. You’ll find every kind imaginable, from the classic Lindt balls to boutique truffles, to the Läderach stores with their slabs of chocolates, that cost as much as your rent.

Then there’s the cheese. Fondue isn’t just food here; it’s a social event. Gather your friends, dip bread into molten cheese, and try not to drop it—because if you do, Swiss tradition says you owe everyone a round of drinks or a glass of wine. You may also want to try “Raclette”, the french term for Scarpping or Squeegeeing, with this version you melt your slice of flavored or seasoned cheese, then scrap it over boiled potatoes, a pinch of fresh black pepper, cornichons, et voila! it might be a bit lighter on your stomach, verses all that bread soaked up with cheese, unless, of course, you are willing to take a couple of shots of Cherry Brandy after the cheese fondue, in order to break up that lump of cheese in your stomach!

3. Swiss Trains: Punctual to a Fault

If Swiss trains were a person, they’d be the friend who shows up to dinner at 6:59 for a 7:00 reservation. The Swiss rail network is so efficient that you’ll start questioning why the rest of the world hasn’t caught on. With over 300 million passengers using Swiss trains annually, they’re practically the veins of the nation. With 29,000 km of railroad tracks in the country, one can only be amazed and impressed with the timeliness of the connections.

Miss one? Don’t worry; there’ll be another in exactly 7 minutes, or the case scenario, another within the hour. Or as the locals call it, “a lifetime.” Pro tip: get a Swiss Travel Pass—a golden ticket to this punctual paradise. It’s good for all trains, buses, ferries, some gondolas, admission to 500 museums, mountain excursions, etc.

4. Languages: Four Official Ones and Everyone Speaks Better English Than You

Switzerland has four official languages: German, French, Italian, and Raeto-Romansh. Yes, Raeto-Romansh is a thing, and no, it’s not a Game of Thrones dialect, it’s the fourth national language of Switzerland, about 60,000 people speak it in the east part of Switzerland, the Chur, Grison area. It is a mixture of French, Italian, and German, it sounds like  Latin.

The four languages are divided into 63% German and Swiss German, 28% French, 8% Italian and 1% Raeto-Romansh

And here’s the kicker: most Swiss people speak better English than your high school English teacher. So, don’t stress about the language barrier—stress about pronouncing Chur correctly. (It’s “Koor,” by the way.

5. Quirky Swiss Laws and Traditions

Switzerland takes “quirky” to a whole new level. Did you know it’s illegal to own just one guinea pig? Turns out, they get lonely, and Swiss law won’t stand for that kind of emotional neglect.

Since Switzerland is predominantly Roman Catholic, there are a lot of churches and chapels, get used to being woken up 7 days a week by church bells through their concert at 6 am sharp!

Then there’s the tradition of ringing cowbells during festivals, and possibly in the vicinity of your hotel or Airbnb. These aren’t your average jingle bells—these are hand-painted, oversized masterpieces that weigh more than a small child. Even the cows here live better than most of us.

And if you are thinking of partying all nite, think again, 10 pm is lights out here!

Conclusion: Pack Your Bags (and Your Sense of Humor)

Switzerland isn’t just a destination; it’s an experience. From its jaw-dropping landscapes to its perfectly engineered trains, every moment feels like stepping into a postcard. Just remember to budget wisely, brush up on your fondue and raclette etiquette, and prepare to fall in love with a country that’s as charming as it is efficient.

Oh, and one last tip: try not to envy the cows too much—they’ve earned it.)

Stay safe and well

Your blogging friend Ulrich K